One Word

It has been almost 8 years since I last blogged (wow - can't believe that!). I stopped blogging for a few reasons : my other blogger friends had stopped so I lacked motivation, and the 'fad' seemed to had worn off with the widespread adoption of facebook (who needs a blog when you can rant away on your page, right? Plus you can control your privacy settings on facebook, which makes all the difference for people like me!. Additionally, having a kid in 2009 and getting involved in my hubby's business in 2011 cut my 'me-time' down severely. I do really miss writing, I have to say. Anyway, the true reason why I stopped blogging is because of one word. One word. One word that was used completely innocently. With no malice intended. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt or insult anyone using this word. And to this day, all of these years later, it still breaks my heart that I unintentionally hurt this person using this word. Explanations were made, apologies were offered. I tried taking it back. Justifying what I meant - which ended up getting 'lost in translation'. But it was too little, too late. The damage was done. And there is absolutely nothing I can do. What's worse is it seems no one else can forget the 'indiscretion' either. It gets mentioned every time this person and I have contact with the parties that ended up getting involved. Not directly to me, but in ways that I am guaranteed to notice. While I can assume that this is a 'joke' and could be considered 'all in good fun', I have my doubts. Because if this word really did hurt the person that it did, wouldn't bringing it up (every single time!) be hurtful to them? Not to mention that it reminds me of how I hurt this person, and makes me feel bad all over again. I feel like this dead horse has been beaten to a pulp, but drawing attention to it could only make things worse for everyone involved. So now, I basically have to live with this mistake for the rest of my life. A true testament to learning your actions have consequences, and that the pen (or in this case, the keyboard)is mightier than the sword (even if no harm was intended). At this point, I am unsure if the awkwardness I feel when I am with this person whom I offended is imagined or real, one-sided or mutual. Unbelievable how one word can do so much damage, even without intending to cause harm. I have had the words to write this post floating around in my head since this happened, but had not been able to bring myself to type it. Even though no one involved may ever read this, I wanted to get it out. There, I said it.