Back Pain & Eureka!

I've been suffering from terrible back pain for almost months now. I have a spot in my lower back that has bothered me almost all of my life (at least 20 yrs). Whenever I am tired, stressed or sick, I feel pain here. This is where all of my menstrual cramps radiate from too. I have never had a diagnosis of what's wrong with it, nor have I been able to get rid of the pain, other than going to physiotherapy. It may be a structural defect (not surprising judging from my family's back history), or I often wonder if it is injury-related. When I was a part-time housekeeper wayyy back (maybe 15 yrs ago?) I had a dumpster almost slide onto me (it shifted on its cement blocks when I opened the door to throw out some trash), and instinctually, I braced my weight against it, twisting my back, but of course never got it checked, and I have had flare-ups ever since. Mind you, both my mom & my sister have structural defects with their back (my sis has scoliosis & my mom had verterbrae problems, now she has just been diagnosed officially with osteoarthritis in the C-4 - 6 verterbrae in her neck)...

I have had flare-ups before (one that sticks out in my mind is when I used to exhibit at food shows when I worked at a waffle-mix dist co...I remember going to bed in agony, the wrenching pain radiating horizontally - then waking up in the same state), but I don't remember the pain ever being this consistent or this bothersome. Maybe my pain tolerance has gone down as I age? I had had luck with physio before on this problem, as well as it helping me quickly recover from carpal tunnel syndrome, and a really sore neck (that's a whole other problem, most likely caused by working in an office on the phone for most of my life), so I decided to go back around mid-February. My physio who treated me (Serena) was no longer there (and had probably moved on to better things), so I got a new one who's actually an athletic therapist (Lucy) & she's really great. It amazes me how patient people in this profession have to be, and how much they need to be able to listen & relate to people. She needs to get pretty intimate with me, and obviously her other patients too, so that must be odd - she's seen me nearly naked, has to often pull down my undies halfway & when she does traction, she needs to practically get on top of me.

After the first couple of treatments, my pain had been taken down by about 90% and after a few more (with getting sick & being bedridden for a wk in between, which caused even further pain), both of us really thought I'd be ok to taper off & start coming only once a week, then not need to come so often at all. But, the pain reared it's ugly head again right around the time of my pms leading up to my March 'time of the month' - I felt like I was back at square one again, and felt very discouraged. Both my sister & the physio made me feel a little better by making me realize that although it feels like I've been getting this treated a long time, it really has only been a few sessions, and to fix a problem like this, it may take months. Patience is a virtue I don't always feel like I possess in times like this.

I was exposed to the concept of 'chronic pain' first hand when working with orthopaedic surgeons from 2003-2004, then to an even greater degree during my time working in direct contact with arthritic patients for about 2 yrs following that. I actually met a hip replacement patient that told me that if he had not gotten his surgery when he did, he would have literally bought a gun and shot himself in the head. Hearing that statement really marked me. Until you actually suffer from constant pain, one really cannot relate to someone who goes through this. A lot of healthy people I know (even some who have gone through physically painful experiences) seem to have the attitude that 'it's just pain'. But, when it's constant, day in & day out, it really almost takes over your life some days. Concentrating on daily tasks at work becomes much more of an effort, and finding a comfortable position to sleep in all night is virtually impossible, hence affecting the quality of your sleep, and in turn affecting the quality of your life. Chronic pain starts making you feel hopeless - it sometimes makes you forget just how it was to live pain-free, and makes you wonder if you'll ever get better. Healthcare professionals talk about 'pain management' - a concept some chronic pain sufferers like me have trouble conceptualizing...how do you 'manage' something that is affecting you physically, that you cannot easily control?

It's very intriguing when you think about the concept of 'pain' itself....it's basically your brain being triggered to give your body a sign that something is wrong with it. Much research is being done to control this natural reaction - I often think that it would really be great if you could just take a pill (that wouldn't be harmful to anything else in your body, of course!) that could just shut off your body's ability to feel pain...but the body's instinct to feel pain is important and necessary though, in general, as it prevents severe damage & injury...By the way, I was using Vioxx for a good 3-4 yrs for my menstrual pain, just one or two pills a month, to get rid of my menstrual pain, and it really was a miracle drug. After just 20-30 min. of swallowing it, pain is taken down usually to about 90-95%, although towards the end of me taking it, it was slowly becoming less effective, sometimes not taking the pain away totally, or only lasting a couple of hours instead of 12. I knew from the start that a drug like this was just too good to be true, one that worked so well on pain that had NO side effects - it was a dream come true that I knew had to come to an end one day, and it did, when the drug and all similar ones, were pulled from the market a couple of years ago. I had been hesitant when starting to take it, I figured that taking any drug for a long period (over a lifetime) on a regular basis would have to have some effect on your health, and it turns out that it was dangerous for people who are predisposed to heart problems. I am pretty sure that the way I was taking it would have never ended up affecting my heart, and surprisingly, I am in a position to say that I would have even risked my heart health in the long run just to have access to something that helped my pain so well (isn't that awful?). So now I've been on Naproxen, I usually have to take 2 pills and 2 doses 2 or 3 days during my period, and it really only reduces pain by about 55 - 70% max. and it takes about 2 hrs to work and lasts maybe 6 hrs max. I haven't spoke to my doctor about getting anything stronger prescribed.

So, a couple of physio visits ago, after a particularly painful week, which I thought was solely being caused by my menstruation, Lucy asked me if I had done anything different that week, if I had done a false move or anything. After thinking a couple of seconds, I said "no, I don't think so..." and then towards the end of my treatment, after a couple of periods of lieing there alone while the machines do their work on me, I realized that I had fallen (for the third time in the past 4 months!) in the driveway of my house again one week before, and although it did not hurt when I actually fell, my body felt racked up for a whole two days that weekend. I had totally forgotten to tell the physio about this, never mind my other 2 really bad falls I had this winter! So, when she came back into the cubicle, I told her, and just by looking at her face, I realized that this whole resurgance of back pain I've been experiencing in the past couple of months HAS to be from all of these falls! I told her I felt kinda stupid, not putting the two together, and she reassured me that almost everyone does that - they don't attribute pain to an injury...I think probably because unless you sit and think about it, one doesn't realize how much damage a fall can do - it's comparable to getting your car ass-ended, there's usually no visible damage, and then all of a sudden, months later, you go in for a standard maintenance check, and you find out the alignment of the car is screwed up, and/or the seams of your catalytic converter or tail pipe are damaged and coming undone and rusted - all direct results from the accident which you thought didn't even do anything! It was like a "Eureka!" moment for me, like "so that's why I've had so many problems & been in so much pain!" All three times I've fallen, it has been on the ice, once on the stairs (which was the 1st & worst of them all, as I got 2nd degree burns on my hand, as I was carrying a cup of boiling water I was going to use to de-ice the knob on the shed that would not open!), and twice on my extremely steep driveway...all three times I was wearing the same pair of boots that I use for mild not-so snowy weather, so I really should trash those I guess (!).....

Anyway, I know I have a lot of options at my disposal to help my back, and I know that if I keep a positive attitude that one day I WILL be pain free, that my back can & will be fixed. Serena (my previous physio) did tell me that even if she gets rid of my knots in my mid & upper back (which she did), that they would come back, and they did, with a vengence...my naturopath I was seeing a few years ago (Jill) tried everything she could to get rid of my back pain & menstrual problems, and concluded that she could not do anything for me - strongly suggesting acupunture and/or an osteopath to work on eliminating this deep pain that I seem to have. I have always feared acupuncture because of the needles, plus my sister had nothing good to say about it when she got it done (horror stories of terrible pain!), and for a 'natural' or 'alternative' therapy to work, one has to believe in it, without fear, or else it won't work. Well, now I am to the point that I am willing to give it a try, as a last resort, if I know it will help. I do plan to call up my sister's osteopath that helped her with her hip pain when she found out about her scoliosis - a coworker of mine at my last job told me that hers permanently took away her back pain. A lot of people have been talking to me about chiropractors and swear by them, but I have a mental block against them because I worked with orthopaedic surgeons who consider them their 'mortal enemies' (really, it's true!). My boss says there is no comparison - ortho's are only there to correct damage that could be prevented by chiros - logically, I guess this makes sense! I will start with the osteo though.

Plus, I know seeing a naturopath is something I need to do again, with all of the multiple problems that I've been experiencing recently - I know it will help alot and at least help get rid of the malaise I've been feeling....I have been procrastinating seeing one though, because I am hesistant to invest the time, energy & money in doing this - the commute, losing weeknights at home, buying & taking supplements (paid for out of pocket) - it is a huge investment (insurance will cover the visits, at least, which I did not have access to last time), but one with many dividends at the end of the road, so I know that this is a next step. BUT, I know that'll involve a detox and changing my diet radically again, at least for a certain period...although I changed my lifestyle and my eating habits permanently 6 yrs ago, I do cheat sometimes, and do not live carb & sugar-free like I am really supposed to - I rely alot on supplementing with flax, whole wheat and rice products, which I hopefully will get to keep eating... Since I've been polluting my body alot lately (March was party month because of bdays, outings, etc.) AND, I plan to pollute it even more on my vacation in Jamaica (leaving next Saturday!), I made the decision awhile ago to wait and I've put the health remedy plans on the back burner until I get back. Just mentally preparing for this trip has required a lot of my mental energy for some reason, so until the vacation is over, I won't be totally ready to make any concrete plans to get myself better yet.

I know it will be somewhat of an arduous road ahead of me, one I've been down before sucessfully, so I know with the support of my husband and family behind me, with their positive words and being there when I need them, that I will be able to make it. So far, talking about it to them alot has really been the only way that I know to cope with everything going on. I will try to write about my experiences on here, so look for more health posts in the near future.

And, I plan to celebrate the elimination of my back pain by getting a new tattoo - my sister has inspired me to get the 3rd one I've always wanted (where & of what still to be decided!), and until my pain goes away, I just can't handle any more pain (even though a tattoo doesn't really hurt all that much!)....plus, I need a little more time to mentally prepare myself and decide on what I want, and I think will be a nice reward to give myself to celebrate my problem being fixed!!!